5 Things They Need to Bring Back, IMMEDIATELY.

1. Carnation Breakfast Bars - Clearly I'm not alone on this one. For years, people have been trying to bring back The Most Wonderful Packaged Snack That Ever Was.

2. MAC Lipstick in Soft Pout - MAC discontinued this opaque peachy-nude lipstick, and I've been struggling to find even a close substitute ever since. It's so "Norma" from "The Wonder Years." If you have any suggested alternatives, I would be so grateful if you'd share them with me.

3. Flared jeans - They flattered big hips. I don't understand why we got rid of them. Whose call was that?

4. Three Turtle Doves, East Village - This incredible shop on 2nd Street near Avenue B had the most beautiful, inspired jewelery I've ever had the pleasure of trying on (and occasionally buying). My friend Rebecca and I fell in love with it one afternoon, and about a year later - without warning - it closed. It made me really sad.

5. "Undeclared" - I loved this show when I was in college. The humor was dead-on and the characters felt so average, authentic yet totally entertaining. I did a little Googling recently and discovered that it was created by Judd Apatow. Figures.

If loving Juicy is wrong, I don't want to be right.

It wasn't until about three years ago that I got Juicy fever.

Maybe it's because their clothes' body skimming ruffles are more flattering than the Pam and Gela get credit for, or maybe it's because I never truly grew out of Barbies (and only pretended to so I wasn't ostracized by my peer group), but I seriously just can't deny the instinctual pull to all things Juicy Couture.

Despite the fact that I've had to reinforce the signature buttons to my Juicy Couture coat over three times now, or that their Customer Services team has, after numerous requests, yet to send me replacement buttons those escapee buttons (which are definitely corroding in the gutters in the East Village right now), I can't bring myself to unsubscribe from their mailing list, for fear of missing out on cutie-patootie stuff like this.

I just thank God I don't have a dog or a baby. Then I'd really be up to my eyes in crown-emblazoned dog beds and diaper bags.

What's your take on Juicy?

Max Factor False Lash Effect Mascara

If you're in the market for a fatty boombalatty mascara, read on.

Last year, I had the privilege of chatting up Pat McGrath - one of if not the world's biggest makeup artist - about how she created the coquettish look Madonna sported in the Louis Vuitton ads. (The LV ads shot in the French bistro, not the more recent ads that look like an oily sticker and where she's wearing bunny ears.)

I demanded to know how she gave Madonna those glossy, sooty, Cabaret-like eyes, and she cited three things: Prescriptives Softlining Pencil in Jet (soon to be discontinued, along with the rest of Prescriptives), Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream and - with great enthusiasm - Max Factor False Lash Effect. She said it was going to be a dream for someone like me, who likes my mascaras fat-fat-fat!

Well, after my two favorite lash-bloating mascaras ran out - YSL Mascara Volume Effet Faux Cils and Chantecaille Faux Cils - I finally decided to test out Pat's recommendation. I bought a tube last night at Boots to the tune of 10.99 GBP (about $17!).

Max Factor's definitely voluminized, but it didn't pack the same inky punch as YSL's or Chantecaille's. This is no discredit to Max Factor, but rather a testament to the black, lash-swelling, cartoon awesomeness of YSL and Chantecaille.

Max Factor False Lash Effect is just the ticket if you want noticeably thicker lashes but don't demand high-drama in the way that I (in some sick way I'd rather not investigate) constantly crave.

Calling all fatty mascara lovers! What's your poison?

I used to think I was a private person.

And now I realize I'm not.

While I once breezed through other people's blogs, dismissing them self-indulgent, here I am.

Having seen the proliferation of beauty and fashion blogs - many of which run together into one big pink blur - I figured it's time to start my own. I may post a little, I may post a lot. We'll see.

Just an FYI: Though my background is 100 percent beauty, this blog won't be all beauty all the time. Anything that inspires that same tingly, sparkly feeling as that pop-and-bounce you get when you first twist open a juicy Chanel Glossimer is fair game, as well as whatever's really getting my goat at the moment. Are you feeling what I'm saying? I hope so.